Unwanted Changes

When my Children were pretty young we had a lot happen within our family that caused us to make changes in our lives. My mother and father in law still lived in Maine and my father in law had a bad heart attack leaving him unable to work or take care of himself on his own. This left my mother in law in a bad situation because she did not work enough to take on her bill situation. Also, my in laws still had a sixteen year old child living with them.

I went to Maine because my husbands job could not let him go at that time and I helped my mother in law go through all her financial situations. I made all the phone calls that needed to be made and after all was said and done we had decided to bring them back to Pittsburgh to live near us.

We moved them to an apartment that was only a few streets away from us, they had money from selling their home in Maine. I knew moving was so hard on them because it had been hard on me and they had lived in Maine all their lives. My father in law had been a walking mailman and he was involved with clubs. My mother in law had many friends and family that lived in Maine also. My sister in law was sixteen and, well, I don't have to tell you how hard that was for her.

The reason they moved to Pittsburgh was because they were very close to my husband and myself. They knew we would take care of them and felt it was best for their youngest daughter. You see, being that their was a huge age gap between them, it was hard for them to understand their daughter and she tended to cause them a few problems. You can imagine that moving was a big problem for her.

After a few years of living in the apartment, their finances were turning hard. They were still paying bills for Maine and here, things were starting to get tight. We decided to add a addition on our house and had them all come live with us. For a while things were ok, there was so much confusion at first.

After two years we all together decided that it was just to much strain on our relationship to be in one house. I am telling you that we love each other very much but it just had things that really just didn't work out. It certainly wasn't for the lack of trying.

My mother in law was working for my husband at that time and we found a small home that had a really good rent price and they moved there. For a couple more years they had this home and seemed to be very happy and content until my father in law had another heart attack, my nephew was hit by a car (he is fine now), and all this caused my mother in law to have a severe stroke that left her unable to be left alone. Now we had two parents that were not able to be alone and in wheel chairs.

Try to find help out there, one that you actually can do and is affordable. If you can find it, I couldn't, but I wish you luck. I worked full time at this time and my children were growing up fast, I needed to work. After many, many attempts to try to find a solution we ended up having them move back to Maine with their other son who owns his own restaurant that is right beside his house. There is always somebody home and they would be well taken care of.

This killed us, my children cried, we cried, they cried. We felt like we had let them down and their brother tried to tell us it was his turn and not to feel that way. I think we will always feel bad about that decision even though we know it was the right thing to do for them. Putting them in a nursing home was not a option and none of us could have afforded to do that anyway. Their daughter, being older and married now, remained in Pittsburgh.

I know there must be many of you out there dealing with this same kind of situation and I just want to let you know you are not alone. Talk to someone, don't hold it all in, these feelings can really be hard to deal with. I know, I had a lot of trouble dealing and it was really hard on my husband. You feel like you let everyone down, my children were so close to their grandparents as you can imagine. If you need to vent, please do so, just letting it out may help you.

Now, my father in law, has passed away. He was on his way to a birthday party so you know he was happy. My mother in law still lives with my brother in law but now visits here at least a few times a year. My sister in law is married, has two children and still lives in Pittsburgh. I will tell you more about my sister in law in my next article, it will be something you will want to read.