Illness And Happy Endings

As I told you before my in laws moved in with us for a couple years and my sister in law was sixteen at the time. Sixteen is a hard age for anyone and my sister in law, Ann, had a really difficult situation ahead of her that would change her life forever.

When I first met Ann she was six years old and I use to spend a lot of time with her. She was the youngest of five children and being a lot younger than the other children, three being boys, she needed the attention. I would take her to the beach and to my house to let her play with all my makeup and hair stuff. We became really close, she was my flower girl in my wedding. Ann spent many weekends at my house when we still lived in Maine and she loved helping me with my first daughter after she was born. Ann and I had formed a bond that was very close.

After we moved to Pittsburgh Ann went through some rough times that every teenager does, going out with boys that she shouldn't, not getting such hot grades, and getting into a little bit of trouble with other things. When she moved to Pittsburgh with her parents she was not a very happy camper but we all hoped it would be for the best. It took awhile but she made friends and her and I began to once again form that close bond.

When Ann moved into our house things were pretty good, of course nothing is perfect, but for the most part good. You have to picture there were eight people living under one roof, two families with their different styles of living, thank god we loved each other.

Ann started to get very sick and she had a lot of pain so we took her to the doctors. I can't even begin to make you understand how many doctor and hospital visits we had before we found out what was wrong with her. The doctors had diagnoised her with everything in the book but what she had, they even actually accused her of making it up! Her mother did not drive so I was at every visit with her and after the fifth time of her endlessly being in the hospital I lost it.

Ann was in so much pain and it was like nobody cared or believed her, it had been six months since the initial visit. One of the most important things I have ever done in my life was what I did next, I called Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh. We immediately signed her out of the hospital she was in and I brought her to Childrens. Within one day we found out that Ann had Lymphoma cancer in all of her lymphoids. She was immediately treated with chemotherapy and this treatment would go on for years.

After spending some time in Children's Hospital Ann came home and I brought her to all her appointments. Worry is putting lightly what everyone was feeling. It is very hard to be strong and confident when you are looking at a child being so sick but she needed that from us. My children were small and they grew up fast in that way, My oldest daughter wrote a essay for her school on Ann that she won a award for. She was in fifth or sixth grade at the time and I don't believe there was a dry eye in the room. Her mother and father were beside themselves but helped her through everything as did my husband and myself.

The sounds of Ann being sick after her treatments and the first time she screamed when she lost her hair haunt me. I can't tell you how many emergency trips we made to Children's, all I remember is driving like a bat out of hell while her mother cared for her in the back seat. Seventeen and dealing with all this, also being in another state where you don't have those lifetime friends to hold you together. Ann missed many, many days of school that year but the school was great. Ann had a super tutor that came over all the time, she became a close family friend, I remember a group from the school coming to our door and giving her a coat and gift certificate which I thought was very kind. People help, kindness helps, you never forget what people do for you in times like that.

Ann, after years of chemotherapy, was in remission and was told the cancer was gone. She was told that she would never be able to have children and for the first five years would have to be checked regularly.

Today, Ann is around thirty six, she is married with two beautiful children. Ann is proof that miracles can happen, she is proof that if you or someone in your family is going through this or something similar that there can be a happy ending.

Unwanted Changes

When my Children were pretty young we had a lot happen within our family that caused us to make changes in our lives. My mother and father in law still lived in Maine and my father in law had a bad heart attack leaving him unable to work or take care of himself on his own. This left my mother in law in a bad situation because she did not work enough to take on her bill situation. Also, my in laws still had a sixteen year old child living with them.

I went to Maine because my husbands job could not let him go at that time and I helped my mother in law go through all her financial situations. I made all the phone calls that needed to be made and after all was said and done we had decided to bring them back to Pittsburgh to live near us.

We moved them to an apartment that was only a few streets away from us, they had money from selling their home in Maine. I knew moving was so hard on them because it had been hard on me and they had lived in Maine all their lives. My father in law had been a walking mailman and he was involved with clubs. My mother in law had many friends and family that lived in Maine also. My sister in law was sixteen and, well, I don't have to tell you how hard that was for her.

The reason they moved to Pittsburgh was because they were very close to my husband and myself. They knew we would take care of them and felt it was best for their youngest daughter. You see, being that their was a huge age gap between them, it was hard for them to understand their daughter and she tended to cause them a few problems. You can imagine that moving was a big problem for her.

After a few years of living in the apartment, their finances were turning hard. They were still paying bills for Maine and here, things were starting to get tight. We decided to add a addition on our house and had them all come live with us. For a while things were ok, there was so much confusion at first.

After two years we all together decided that it was just to much strain on our relationship to be in one house. I am telling you that we love each other very much but it just had things that really just didn't work out. It certainly wasn't for the lack of trying.

My mother in law was working for my husband at that time and we found a small home that had a really good rent price and they moved there. For a couple more years they had this home and seemed to be very happy and content until my father in law had another heart attack, my nephew was hit by a car (he is fine now), and all this caused my mother in law to have a severe stroke that left her unable to be left alone. Now we had two parents that were not able to be alone and in wheel chairs.

Try to find help out there, one that you actually can do and is affordable. If you can find it, I couldn't, but I wish you luck. I worked full time at this time and my children were growing up fast, I needed to work. After many, many attempts to try to find a solution we ended up having them move back to Maine with their other son who owns his own restaurant that is right beside his house. There is always somebody home and they would be well taken care of.

This killed us, my children cried, we cried, they cried. We felt like we had let them down and their brother tried to tell us it was his turn and not to feel that way. I think we will always feel bad about that decision even though we know it was the right thing to do for them. Putting them in a nursing home was not a option and none of us could have afforded to do that anyway. Their daughter, being older and married now, remained in Pittsburgh.

I know there must be many of you out there dealing with this same kind of situation and I just want to let you know you are not alone. Talk to someone, don't hold it all in, these feelings can really be hard to deal with. I know, I had a lot of trouble dealing and it was really hard on my husband. You feel like you let everyone down, my children were so close to their grandparents as you can imagine. If you need to vent, please do so, just letting it out may help you.

Now, my father in law, has passed away. He was on his way to a birthday party so you know he was happy. My mother in law still lives with my brother in law but now visits here at least a few times a year. My sister in law is married, has two children and still lives in Pittsburgh. I will tell you more about my sister in law in my next article, it will be something you will want to read.