Farah

I remember my two friends and myself pretending to be Charlie's Angels. I can laugh out load remembering us running through the field in the park down the road from our house pretending to hold guns in our hands. I use to have my hair cut just like Farah's, my hair use to look so much like hers that people always made comments. My friend had given me a clipping from a magazine of Farah's haircut and how it was done, it hung on the board at the back of my desk for the longest time.

What a truly remarkable woman Farah was. When you look now at the life she has lead and what part she played in making her life have meaning is fantastic. Her looks alone could have gotten her through but that was not what she was all about. She made smart decisions and showed people she was more than a pretty face.

She made some movies that I thought made a big impact on others. She probably was a good influence to many people with similar problems to the movies she was in.

Most of all Farah showed a tremendous amount of pride in the last couple years, going through this sickness and sharing it with the world. I think she thought that if she shared this sickness with others that they would see that all people have sicknesses and how they handled each day would be the most important thing they would ever do. It was very sad watching her go through all she did but I bet that many people, sick or not, learned and admire her more today than ever.

Farah's life had meaning beyond the word, she entertained us, gave us many memories, and taught us to live every day without taking it for granted.

These Are All Questions I Believe We Ask Ourselves Often.

Do you believe that your life is planned out for you before you are born? Do you believe when you die that it is because that was the plan all along? Do you believe that when an accident has occurred that alters your life that you were meant to be a role model for others?

These are all questions I believe we ask ourselves often. I, myself, have asked these questions many times in my life so I imagine that everyone does the same.

I don't know about the thought that your life is planned out for you before you are born but I think it is possible. Dying I have a hard time believing is planned only because I don't understand children dying so young or people being in so much pain. It is hard for me to understand the reasoning in that. Being a role model for others, though, because of an unfortunate accident I do believe.

I have had the unfortunate chance to witness this kind of experience first hand. My oldest sister was married to this absolutely fantastic man who use to play college football, he was very active, good job, and about to become a father for the first time. I was very close to my brother in law, he was always very good to me.

When I was around fifteen years old, I came home from school to find out that my brother in law had been in a bad car accident. He was driving for work and a car had crossed over the medium strip in the road and hit his car hard. He was in serious condition and there were doubts that he would be ok.

My brother in law thankfully did survive the accident but his face was severely damaged and he needed to have reconstructive surgery. After his surgery was completed my sister was told that he was blind and there was no surgery that could change that.

Imagine how hard it would be to learn that you would never see again. It was hard, hard seems to not define the effort it took to move ahead. My brother in law attended a school for the blind to learn how to read braille and function through the day as normally as he could. He eventually had a guide dog that helped him get around a lot better.

He didn't give up but I know it was not easy for him. He learned to golf, bowl, he even ran his own company. He had the chance to see his son at a very young age before his accident, and he had a daughter later on after his accident. How hard it must be to not be able to watch your children grow.

My brother in law is like a hero to me, he is someone I look up to and I believe many people that know him do too. When I got married he walked me down the aisle, he meant a lot to me.

Today my sister and brother in law have divorced and he has remarried and has two more children. Although I don't get to see him often, He is very special to me and he will always be someone I look up to.

My brother in law is an example of a person that is a role model for others. He is proof that life goes on and you can play an important in it. I'm sure that others that know him and know of him have learned through his experience and that he has helped many others in their times of need.

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Pictures and Memories to Last a Lifetime

Pictures and Memories to Last a Lifetime

I remember your picture, the first thing I saw when I woke up that morning. A picture which meant more to me than life did itself. It meant my existence, my past, and my future. This picture was of the one I loved, but more, the one I lost. I can't begin to say the loss I felt, I can only say the feelings that were still inside me. They were undoubtedly strong, so strong that my insides were ready to erupt. My eyes filled with tears, good tears not bad. I loved, I remembered, I will never forget.

I was looking through a box I keep of old writings, newspaper clips, and poems that I use to write when I was in high school and I came across this older poem I wrote. Of course the poem was written from the ending of a special relationship I had been in for a long time and I was hurting a lot.

Pictures have to be one of the most sacred material things that we have. If my home were on fire and of course my family was safe, I would be frantically running around trying to grab my photographs. Photographs are the one thing that helps us remember all the good things we have had in our lives. It is good to look back and remember the people in them and the wonderful times in your life. It is fun to see and remember what your children looked like from the time they are born until the age they are at now. Some times pictures are the only thing we have left to look at because your loved one may have passed away or you have gone your separate ways. I can't think of anything that is more precious, materially speaking, than those pictures, photographs, and memories that last a lifetime.

Enjoy relaxation like you've never felt before.

My Grandmother

Every one has that one special person in their life that stood beside them always and loved you more, you feel, than anyone else. My Grandmother would be that person for me. I don't know what my life would have been like without my Grandmother. I was lucky enough to at least have her in my life for fourteen years before she passed away.

I spent a lot of time with my grandmother when I was growing up. At first when I was very little, I don't remember where she lived, but I remember waiting for her anxiously to come visit me. My parents house was very big and there was a apartment on the other side of the house, eventually she moved in that apartment.

While my Grandmother lived there, I think I spent more time with her than at my own part of the house. My Grandmother brought comfort and love to my life where my parents were not capable of those traits. I can remember playing bingo, rummy, and cribbage all the time with her. Her favorite shows were Parry Mason and Emergency, I watched them all the time with her. I loved grocery shopping with my Grandmother, she always let me pick out a couple things I really wanted. I also cleaned for my Grandmother regularly and it was something I actually looked forward to.

My parents traveled a lot so I was lucky that my Grandmother was always there to take care of me, I couldn't have asked for a better babysitter. When things got rough at home with my parents my Grandmother use to let me talk into a tape recorder and get out all the things I was feeling. I really don't think that she did this for any other reason than to help me vent.
She worried about me so much and I knew it.

My Grandmother was my constant, she was the one person I knew would always be there. When I was about eleven years old my Grandmother fell down from my back porch and broke her hip which had her laid up in a nursing home for awhile. The nursing home was not too far from my house so I didn't mind so much because I could walk there and I knew that it was only temporary.

When my Grandmother was better my mother decided that it was time for her to move into a senior citizen place to live. I was not happy at all for this decision and I will never believe it was what my Grandmother wanted. I still stayed with my grandmother every weekend, she lived close to my school and a couple of my friends so it worked out fine. It got to a point where I would even go down and join the functions that were going on there with her, all the older people enjoyed me very much. I took dance lessons for several years so I would put on shows for them and stuff.

Nearing closer to the time my Grandmother passed away, I didn't go there as much. I got involved in so many activities and boys came into my life. I still saw her quite a lot but not as much as before, I always felt bad about that. One day I came home to find out that my Grandmother had died in her sleep, it was the worst news I ever could have heard.

I missed my Grandmother more than words can tell but I am grateful for having her. I found out a couple years later that the night before she passed away that my Grandmother had called my aunt and asked her to make sure I was ok and didn't get married to get away from my house. I guess she kind of knew it was her time. My Grandmother cared for me right up till the last minute and I wouldn't give up a minute that I spent with her.

Grandmothers are so important, the role they can take on in a child's life is priceless. I named my daughter after my Grandmother and I hope she realizes how special that is to me.


Constructive Ways To Help You Live

Get Rid Of All The Clutter

Spring is a great time to get rid of all the clutter and things that have been hanging around your house for years because someone thought for sure they would use it for something or that they would be able to gain or lose weight to fit in that particular item again.

Time to let things go, the only time you think of these things is when you are spring cleaning any way. All year long you don't even remember you had these items until you spring clean, then you use the same excuse as you did last year to keep that item.

Cleaning up and making room for new things gives you a good feeling. Getting rid of things finally means next year you won't be facing the same question of throwing the item away.

One year I took it upon myself to clean out the garage, it took me all day but I really accomplished a lot. My husband had so many things hanging around that were never used that it wasn't funny. Someone would be getting rid of something in the neighborhood and he would be picking it up for the reason that some day he just might need it. I threw so much out, he almost panicked when he saw all I threw out.

Funny thing is, it has probably been five years since I did that clean up job and he hasn't asked once for any article that I got rid of.

Of course pay close attention to anything that might be of value. If you question the worth of an item, it is smart to have someone with knowledge look at it before discarding that item.

I've of remembered the Shirley Temple doll I had, or the beatles balloon people I had, or a whole set up of all the presidents through the years. I was young and didn't think I wanted them any more, god I wish I had known better!

Be Your Own Best Friend

Do You Hate Your Mirror?

Do you hate looking in your mirror? A important fact I have found in my life is that you need to feel good about yourself. You need to try every day to make the changes in your life to make that feeling possible.

I always thought if you can look in the mirror and like what you see on the inside and out that you have done your job for that day. I think when you really look at yourself in the mirror you see things that you might not notice about yourself.

You can make changes on the way you look, maybe you want to change your hair, makeup, weight, anything along that line. You can also make changes that will change the look you see on your face. When you look in the mirror do you see a person that isn't getting enough sleep? Do you see someone who isn't happy or is carrying around a lot of stress?

It is so important that you notice the person you are seeing in that mirror. When you can recognize the problem, you can then work on solving it. Whether it be something really minor or something major that you want to change doesn't matter, it is that you took the time to notice.

An example of this would be that when my kids use to come home with their report card and sometimes their grade wouldn't be as good as the last time. My children would give me their report card and wait to see how I would respond. Early on I learned that it was better for both of us if I laid the response on them. I would say, "Hey, if you can look in the mirror and you are happy with that grade and you know you have done the best you can do then ok.". It worked for us, because then they began to notice that only they had the power to make things the way they wanted them to be.

I believe this theory can work for all people if they give it a try. When you are really looking at yourself it is hard to lie, it's harder to let things go, it's harder to not notice.

Funny thing, that mirror, it shows you a person that you have all the power in the world to change. That mirror gives you the ability to make you feel better about yourself on the inside and out.

Find More Self Help Answers

Be At Peace With Your Decisions

Your parent or friend is dying and you haven't spoken for a long time because of conflict between you, what do you do to be at peace with your decision?

I was talking to a close friend a few months ago that had a parent who was dying from cancer. The problem my friend was having was that her mom and her had a falling out and had not been speaking for a very long time. She was having trouble mostly because it took her so long to get to the point where she felt she had done everything she could do for that relationship and was content in her life without her mother. Now the tables were turning, her mother was very sick and who was going to care for her? My friend was the only child and her father had already passed away.

My friend, knowing that I had dealt with problems of my own with my parents, came to me for advice. Lets just say we sat and talked for at least three hours and when we were done she told me that I really helped her. She said because of all I had been through with my parents that she expected me to say the opposite than I did, I think she was hoping I would.

Trying to be as brief as I can on our conversation, I started by telling my friend how things occurred. I was married for a few months and hadn't spoken to my parents in several months. I, for the first time in my life, could be me without worry of a disaster being around the corner. My husband and I were entertaining a few of our friends in our apartment when my phone rang, it was my mother.

Good thing I had a couple drinks in me because I handled it more calmly. My mother told me my father was dying from lung cancer. My father and I were not close at all ever, actually, he was never a good father to me as I was concerned. I don't remember that phone conversation well enough to tell you what was said but I know I did a lot of listening. After our friends left our apartment and I told my husband what was happening, my brain had to sort out what I was going to do.

I will tell you that I came up with many more reasons not to go see him than I did to go see him. One fact remained steady, he was my father. Whether I liked, loved, or hated him, he was my father and he was dying. I went to my parents house for the first time since the horrible day that I left. God, it was hard to be there. There were no apologies for the past, no I love you's, no emotion but that I was doing what was expected of me.

I not only went there that first day but many days after, I stayed with my father when my mother couldn't be there, I went to the hospital when he was in there, and I was there at the hospital the day he died. The day my father died, I swear he waited for me to be there, it was the first time in my entire life that my father told me he loved me and was proud of me. The words came a little late for me but probably gave him some peace while dying.

Do I regret my decision to be there for my father? The answer is a definite NO, I would do the same if I had to do it all over again. I did the same with my mother after but she didn't pass away for another twenty-four years.

My feelings are this, people don't always meet your expectations, they don't even meet their own. As bad as things were in our home growing up there was always the thought it could have been worse. If I was to be honest, my decisions were truly based on what I could live with. I was becoming closer to the person I wanted to be and with respect for myself and my parents being my parents, I made the right decision.

My friends mother has since passed away, she did go back and spend time with her. Although the situations that made them part were never addressed and resolved, my friend is a peace with her decision.

If you have this same kind of situation, know that you are not alone, do what is best for you in the long run. You do not have to give in, you are not admitting defeat, you don't even have to talk about the past. You do, however, need to live in the future and be able to be at peace with your decisions.

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